My Story
“All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.”
2020 was a year the world will never forget - a global pandemic, economic devastation, and
the escalating crisis of climate. But for me, it will be seared into my memory as the year I lost
everything that truly mattered - through my own selfish actions.
My descent into addiction and infidelity was a lonely, darkness-cloaked path of lies and
betrayal. In pursuing empty vices and indulging my basest impulses, I shattered the sacred
vows I had made to my wife and crushed the warm sanctuary of family we had created. When
she discovered my transgressions, the look of pain and disgust in her eyes will haunt me until
my last breath.
In that shattering moment of being unmasked, I experienced the most harrowing
powerlessness of my life. My carefully constructed facade of a loving husband and father
crumbled to bitter dust. All my justifications and minimizations collapsed under the scorching
light of my sinful choices now laid bare. I had become the very thing I feared most - a man
unworthy of his family's trust and love.
The days and weeks after being turned out of my home were a chilling, solitary spiral into
darkness. I teetered on the brink of utter self-destruction, ambushed by shame and regret at
every turn. How could I have decimated my precious family? The thought haunted my waking
hours with torment and torrents of tears. I hit rock bottom, alone and despairing.
It was in that lightless pit that I finally surrendered and accepted that only radical self-honesty
and wholehearted commitment to recovery could show me the way back to the light. With the
steadfast encouragement of my counselors and new friends who refused to abandon me, I
embarked on the most arduous journey of repentance and restoration.
It was a gauntlet that demanded remorseless accountability, consistent showing up even when
I didn't feel like it, and complete surrender of my former self. There were dark stretches where
progress felt unattainable and the path to redemption quixotic at best. Moments of backsliding
haunted by my wife's justified doubts blotted out hope. But I persisted in taking those grueling
steps forward. Slowly, I rebuilt my integrity through transparency and rigorous self-examination.
It took years of that excruciating inner labor to re-earn a shred of trust and fight my way back
into the heart of my family. Finally, after innumerable days of humbled amends, my wife agreed
to take the monumental risk of faith in me again. For the sake of our children, and our marriage
we found a new home and begin reconstructing the marital bonds I had decimated.
That was over two years ago. My wife and children are still on the courageous journey of
seeing me as a new man worthy of trust and honor. I remain in a posture of rigorous
accountability, watchful of any shadow from my former shadow life. Our shared path to full
restoration remains long.
But I will walk that road with tenacious determination until my last breath. For I hold the most
precious of second chances - the gift of a redeemed life and the hope of rebuilding the family I
so grievously shattered. I will spend my remaining days striving to be the loving, faithful man I
was crafted to be.
